10 Reasons Why I Hate The Fall

Posted by Joe Cianciotto

Welcome to September 1st, the end of everything good in the world and the symbolic destruction of the summer, the best season of the year. And if you are one of those horrible  people that look forward to this time of the year you are a traitor to the 14 year-old you that loved no school, the ice cream truck and above ground pools.

I have hundreds of reasons why I hate the fall, but for today I’ll just list the first ten that come to mind.

Top Ten Reasons Why I Hate The Fall

10. All the annoying people that love the fall.

9. The flu-like rot that comes over your body when you are overcome by the smell of school supplies in CVS.

8. Listening to “Endless Summer Nights’ by Richard Marx in October ‘effing blows.

7. Pumpkin spice literally tastes like arthritis.

6. If you’re monogamous you have to wait 9 months to see people half naked again.

5. Fall is a glorified on-ramp for Christmas which, outside of celebrating the birth of Jesus, is the work of the devil.

4. When you hear somebody getting shot by the car dealerships on Franklin Avenue you can’t pretend it’s fireworks.

3. Fortunately being back indoors decreases your chances of dying from COVID-19, said no one ever.

2. The only people you’ll find at the beach are serial killers burying prostitutes.

1.  It never fails, you drive through the first leaf pile of the year and boom you just hit another kid.

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